Thursday, September 25, 2014

Haunt Review- Hundred Acres Manor

 Haunt Review of Hundred Acres Manor, They Did It Again!

 It's rare that I say I truly love a haunted house, it's even more difficult to get me to admit to this in public. It's only happened maybe five times in the last few years but Hundred Acres Manor has defended their right to be on that list, with some amazingly twisted goodies which make my dark little heart sing with absolute joy. It's rare that a haunt gets everything right, they take that envelope of "Basic Accepted Level" and "Lines Not to Be Crossed" and burn it on a pyre while giggling like lunatics. Hundred Acres Manor is simply deliciously evil in the show they create and present, it's Love at first Scream.

This season Hundred Acres Manor has 6 delightfully twisted houses for your terror and enjoyment, included an all new house called "Torture Tank". Which is something spewed directly from some hellish nightmares of a lunatic, we call him Ethan. Several of the houses have seen new improvements and additions, plus again this season they've changed 'The Maze' completely. Plus this season we've seen the addition of "Zombie Paintball" which is likely the best iteration of this theme I've seen done yet.

...but you can read more about that below, let's get this slaughter moving!

Haunt: Hundred Acres Manor
Location: Bethel Park, Pennsylvania
Date: September 19th, 2014
Review Team: Kitsune Hazard and Carrie 
Cost: Between $18 and $35 (Online)
Overall Rating: Excellent
Opinion: Stop Reading. Go. Now.
Website: http://www.hundredacresmanor.com

!Disclaimer!
We where invited again this season to visit Hundred Acres Manor. This has in no way effected our opinion or the haunts rating, they earned that entirely on their own! 




 ...where do I start? I'm truly at a loss for words on how excellent this haunted attraction is.


Let's start with a little background information, that's always a good location to begin!

Hundred Acres Manor is located in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania. One thing you may likely not know is this place is a charity haunt, which doesn't reflect at all from the show they provide. So, with buying your ticket your also supporting "Animal Friends" and "Homeless Children Education Fund".  Good times! You get the pants scared off you and you do something good for kids and puppies, a perfect match.


 Now, onto the real human meat of this haunt!

 Upon entry your in a funeral scene, this is where you get your rules of the haunt and a little speech about the back story. Soon your released and driven into the dark depths where you then board and elevator bound straight for hell the dark underbelly of Acres Manor called "Dead Lift".  Your escort is likely the worst elevator minion you'll ever encounter. This scene has been changed form last season and is one of the best creative uses of the 'turning elevator' I've seen yet. Lights, Sounds, Smoke, Blinking Lights and a Twisted Operator sets the stage for what your about to enter.

You find yourself dropped off in "Damnation" where you then have to twist and turn your way though the various rooms lurking in the Manor, complete with it's full cast of lunatic residents. From killers to living dolls, ghosts to tormented spirits, your going to find all types inside. All the actors we saw are great at their jobs and true to the spirit of scaring the living shit out of you. They want you to scream, I suspect they feast upon them when your not looking.

 Moving along your next deposited into "Torture Tank" which is one of the new haunts this season. I don't know what the hell kind of nightmares inspired this area but I'd like to move in!

 It's twisted, it's nightmare fuel.. it's torture. The idea being that you to can get a membership to "Torture Tank" but remember- Try before you buy! Live out your dream of torturing and killing innocents in any way possible to the imagination.

 Inside your going to find plenty of twisted members living out their darkest fantasies of torture and murder. There is no line of decency here, they burned in and waltzed through the ashes. Nothing is safe, nothing is sacred and it shows in every detail. From the scenes to the actors, they cover every base and concept then do everything possibly to make you scared shitless that your going to be next. From our twisted "Star Dancer" to "Prom Queen" and into "Magician" your going to find plenty of happy members here.

 It's one of the most creative and seriously twisted concepts I've seen in years of visiting haunted attractions. I think I'm in love... but never fear, I'm not going to spoil it for you. This was just a little peek of what they have inside!

 Next you move into the cave and beyond this, "The Family". Because really, what's a haunted attraction without a lunatic family of hillbillies gone wild? Nothing.

 Not to disappoint, Hundred Acres Manor has them too. Ma and Pa have problems and your probably one of them. You'll move through a splendidly crazy series of rooms both indoors and out, filled with crazy family members while your stuck in a tour of their house and property. Infested with great actors, your going to see and hear things which will likely make you question your sanity yet again. Because really, Sanity isn't much fun. From your exit with "The Family" your dumped into their idea of fun, "The Maze".

 Folks, let me tell you right now. It's NOT easy! It's never the same from the previous year so don't go thinking that Google Maps is going to help you, that's just going to get you more lost. Inside while attempting to find your way in nearly pitch black conditions your going to encounter plenty of lunatics who've been stuck inside for years. Chainsaws and Exhaust fill the night along with the screams of patrons, like yourself, who are too panicked to escape.

*Pro-Tip*  Don't listen to the actors, they WILL lead you in the wrong direction!

 Finally, you arrive in "Brine Slaughter House" which is exactly what it sounds like. A twisted, gone off, gone wrong slaughter house where your likely going to be the next thing for 'Tonight's Special'.

 Nearly overfull of actors who want nothing more then to divide you up into choice cuts of meat and the decoration inside really lends to the feel of the place overall. Metal, Dirty, Smelly and Chickens. Those poor, poor chickens. We always enjoy a little trip inside!

 Finally, we exited the bulk of the Haunted House and got into line for Zombie Paintball. This is also new this season and is a truly unique take on this now common theme.

 Let's just say it's guided and your guide is a little frantic and crazy to not get turned into zombie chow. Your find yourself recruited to kill zombies and have to try not to die in the process. While I wish this area was a bit longer, simply because it's well done and fun as all hell, we're not going to worry because we a wonderful tip saying next season it will be expanded to include more areas of zombie carnage and paintball shooting fun.


Again this season, Hundred Acres Manor delivered an excellent show. Nothing was lacking, from scene decoration to actors, this haunt gets everything right and will likely give you nightmares (or ideas). Delightful and Thrilling, this haunted attraction has everything a Halloween Fan could ever ask for. So take the time, go and visit, it's worth every moment of your time.